I Wish I Knew...

I wish I knew
how its like
to not be afraid
to freely let you walk in and out of my life
as it candidly suits you.
I wish I knew
how its like
to never have experienced pain
in the hurtful manner
you easily subject me to.
I wish I knew
how tears of joy taste like
'Cos all I know
is the bitterness
forming a foam of sea waters
in the ducts of my sight.
I wish I knew
how its like to laugh
Just because
the world around you
allows you the simple pleasure
I wish I knew
how its like
to not want to have you
to not have to need you
to not need to love you
to not love to hold you
to not hold you so tightly it hurts.
I wish I knew
how its like
to stand still in time
like a shadow
trapped to a host
just stand there
and not feel a thing.
I wish I knew
how its like
to let go and never have to look back
never desire to want you back.
I wish I knew
how its like
to be boundlessly loved
eternally cherished
deeply needed
slightly wanted
less easily deceived.
I wish I knew
how its like
to not feel so much
to take a break
be anyone else but me
even if its just for a minute.
I wish I knew
how to remember,
that way, I would know
how to replace this needy, desolate, persona
that took refuge within me.
I just wish I knew...